


there is no one there to dry your tears, I could hold you for a million years

by toxicbalance



Category: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Schönberg/Boublil, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: (both emotional and physical), (marius is genderqueer but doesn't really know that yet if that makes sense), Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Genderqueer Character, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Child Abuse, basically before marius realizes he's genderqueer, but that tag is also about feuilly and jehan, kink meme fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-09
Updated: 2013-12-09
Packaged: 2018-01-04 04:23:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1076485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toxicbalance/pseuds/toxicbalance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marius honestly doesn’t really understand why everyone is shocked. He shrugs into himself and looks down at his hands. The room is silent. He sees Combeferre reach out and keep Enjolras in his seat. Bahorel’s hand is clenched in a fist around the neck of his beer bottle. Grantaire and Jehan are sitting together, their shoulders pressing together. Feuilly isn’t looking at anyone, fingers playing with a loose string on zir jeans. Courfeyrac is still next to Marius, who can feel the tension radiating out of him. Joly’s eyes are closed and Bossuet has a hand on his shoulder.</p><p>“Um. Is something wrong?” Marius asks, breaking the silence. Courfeyrac makes an aborted noise. Enjolras shoots Courfeyrac a look and he groans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	there is no one there to dry your tears, I could hold you for a million years

**Author's Note:**

> fill for the prompt: So I know, time periods change social norms, etc. etc. but I was reading Marius-Gillenormand stuff recently, particularly Marius' childhood, and it just keeps sticking with me that by any modern definition Marius suffers from emotional and physical abuse.
> 
> Cue a heavy want for fic where he starts talking about his childhood around the amis/cosette/etc. and he kinda laugh-shrugs the events/his anger off while everyone else looks mortified until it kinda dawns on him (/someone points it out?) how abnormal/unacceptable this is. Then there are lots of snuggles and also possibly people validating his anger and letting him cry/scream it out.

Marius honestly doesn’t really understand why everyone is shocked. He shrugs into himself and looks down at his hands. The room is silent. He sees Combeferre reach out and keep Enjolras in his seat. Bahorel’s hand is clenched in a fist around the neck of his beer bottle. Grantaire and Jehan are sitting together, their shoulders pressing together. Feuilly isn’t looking at anyone, fingers playing with a loose string on zir jeans. Courfeyrac is still next to Marius, who can feel the tension radiating out of him. Joly’s eyes are closed and Bossuet has a hand on his shoulder.

“Um. Is something wrong?” Marius asks, breaking the silence. Courfeyrac makes an aborted noise. Enjolras shoots Courfeyrac a look and he groans.

“I think we’d better end the meeting now.” Enjolras says after assessing the room. Everyone starts talking. Courfeyrac is still quiet.

“Um. Courf? Are you okay?” Marius asks and puts his hand on Courfeyrac’s shoulder.

“I just don’t get it. How is it okay? How are you okay with that?” Courfeyrac asks, voice worn thin but Marius can still hear the anger beneath the words. Marius shrugs and curls his hands in his sweatshirt pocket. “Marius, you just-please tell me that you understand why I’m upset.” Courfeyrac says desperately. Marius shakes his head.

“I’m not-not really.” Marius says quietly. “It’s just how it was. normal.” Courfeyrac takes a deep breath and rests his head on his hands. “Can we go?” Marius asks nervously, picking at peeling skin. Courfeyrac looks upm expression returning mostly to normal, and nods. He grabs his coat and hands Marius his scarf.

**

“Why was everyone like that?” Marius asks, hands curled around a warm mug. He breathes in the heat and leans back against the couch. He hears Courfeyrac pause.

“What do you mean?” He says, voice measured and settles on the sofa. Marius shrugs.

“What was your childhood like?” Marius asks, curious.

“Loud.” He laughs. “My sisters were always underfoot and my aunts and uncles were always over for some reason or another.” He takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry for how I acted earlier. If I promise I won’t respond like that, will you tell me more about how you grew up?” Marius tucks his legs under himself and slouches forward.

“I mean there isn’t much to tell. It’s just how it was. It was a really big house.” Marius says. “He was loud too, but not really like your family I think.” Courfeyrac stays quiet and doesn’t look away from Marius’ face. “He liked to his friends over. I didn’t like them very much. I think I was quiet kid. I mean, I’m still quiet now but I think I was quieter. I didn’t really leave my room a lot. Sometimes I got lost on trying to find the dining room. I didn’t eat dinner those nights. He’d make fun of me the next morning because I got lost. I mean, not really making fun of me because I really should have known how to get to the dining room.” Marius pauses and Courfeyrac turns to face him with a frown.

“Marius, that isn’t okay.” Courfeyrac says softly, reaching for Marius’ hands. “That’s not something he should have done.” Marius looks away.

“It’s fine Courf, honestly. He was right.”

“No, Marius, It’s not right. Your family shouldn’t make fun of you for something like that. When I got lost, even where I grew up, my family didn’t make fun of me. They didn’t yell at me for things I couldn’t help.” Courfeyrac says gently. “Your grandfather had no right to say any of that stuff to you.” Marius looks away. “Marius?”

“It wasn’t just that.” Courfeyrac sucks in a breath. “It wasn’t bad though. I’m not really upset. He had the right.” Marius says quietly, not looking at Courfeyrac. “It’s okay.” He stops, letting Courfeyrac’s mind take him to the right conclusion.

“Marius-” Courfeyrac says, voice broken. Marius shakes his head.

“Please don’t-”

“Please don’t tell me not to be angry. Marius, I care about you. I am angry at him. Not at you, never at you. How are-were-I don’t even know at this point. I just-I am angry at him Marius. You have the right to be angry at him. Everyone says that you have to love your parents-or grandparents in this case-but it’s not true. You don’t owe anyone your love, no matter what anyone else says. Marius please understand, you don’t owe your family anything.” Courfeyrac looks down at Marius, noticing the tears running down his cheeks. Courfeyrac tips Marius’ head up and Marius buries his head in Courfeyrac’s shoulder. Courfeyrac gently rubs Marius’ back.

“I just-I don’t-” Marius says brokenly. “I don’t get it. Why-” He swallows thickly, “Why?” Courfeyrac wraps his other arm around Marius.

“Why didn’t anyone say this before?” Courfeyrac guesses. Marius nods. “Because people are stupid and don’t understand that sometimes family doesn’t work for everyone. Because people don’t understand that what your grandfather did was wrong.” He says softly. “It’s true Marius, what he did was not okay. He had no right to do anything like that and you have every right to be upset or mad.”

“What if I’m not?” Marius says quietly, not looking up.

“That’s okay Marius. We spend our whole lives being told that we need to love our family, that our family is perfect and that we can’t hate them. It’s hard to realize that that isn’t true. You don’t have to be upset now. I get if you’re not upset. It was normal for you to be walked all over and made fun of.” Courfeyrac says. Marius curls closer into his shoulder. “I don’t get to tell you how you are supposed to feel. I can’t do that. The only thing I can do is be upset for you because you weren’t raised fair. Hey now, it’s not fair to be raised living in fear of what your grandfather could say.” Courfeyrac pulls Marius closer, letting his legs sprawl across Courfeyrac’s lap.

“I don’t-Why aren’t I angry Courf?” Marius asks, voice thick and Courfeyrac wants to cry. “I get that I should be, that it’s not okay. But I’m just not.”

“Because you aren’t. That’s okay too. No one has the right to tell you how you should feel.” Courfeyrac says. They sit together on the sofa until Marius shifts.

“I don’t want to be alone right now, is that okay? But my back hurts and can we just move?” Marius says softly, voice shaking.

“Of course that’s okay. Would you prefer more cuddles or just sitting together?” Courfeyrac says easily. “You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to, you can just use one finger or two.” Marius holds up one and Courfeyrac smiles softly. “Come on then” Courfeyrac says and helps Marius up. They make their way to Courfeyrac’s room and curl up on the mattress, Courfeyrac’s arm across Marius’ stomach. Courfeyrac presses a soft kiss against the back of Marius’ neck. “We can stay here for as long as you want.” Marius curls back against Courfeyrac and weaves their fingers together and pulls Courfeyrac’s hand up against his chest. They spend the rest of the afternoon like that, curled up in a bubble, drawing warmth from each other and they fall asleep without letting go.

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr is 30mychemnarglesfalloutatthedisco.tumblr.com, come say hi!  
>  ~~i totally am not working out my own issues through marius not at all~~


End file.
